i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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