I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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