There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't notice because vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
