Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone came in the potted fern
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
