I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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