Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
