She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
