4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
