sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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