It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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