here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
