Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
