Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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