my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
