What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
