we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
