I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So. Much. Porn.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
