I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
