I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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