But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i will never coherently bang her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
