Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
