i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
