I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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