I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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