i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
