fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
