So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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