So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize