How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
