i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
