i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
