well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
nutella sex= disaster
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
