guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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