Ambien. No doubt about it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
