No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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