She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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