I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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