I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
