I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
