Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
