I'm going to jail i love you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
