Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
