An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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