after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
