would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
