I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
