bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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