Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
