I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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