I like my sex mixed with concussions.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
