she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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