I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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