before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
