Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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