All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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