My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
