i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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